Cold June

It was Friday. The five day slog was done and the two days of precious leisure lay before me. The sun had just gone down and though I had never been in the habit of hitting the town, I found myself at a club with a drink in my hand. I don’t know why, something had drawn me there.

The establishment was just like any other in the city, gloomy, crowded and playing loud music. As usual the terrible music, with its thumping bass assaulting my ears, was getting to me. I thought about leaving and finding a quieter place but I was tired and decided against it.

I looked around the club from the bar where I was sitting and saw it had a balcony which seemed quieter and was much less crowded. I paid for my drink, grabbed my glass and shuffled through the throng as I made my way to a bit of solitude. As I made my way past the revelers I heard behind me a soft shout.

“Hey you!” It was loud but gentle. I continued walking because I didn’t believe it was I being summoned, not by that voice.

“Hey Barcelona!” the voice called again.

I stopped; this time sure I was the target of the summon because I was wearing, under my jacket, the jersey of that particular football team. I turned around slowly searching the dimness of the club but could not immediately find the source of the voice.

Then I saw her, a short-haired, light-skinned goddess in a red dress sitting alone at a booth. She was raising a wine glass to me. I raised my glass in response. She wasn’t familiar to me. I raced through my memory trying to remember if I had met her before but nothing came to mind.

I walked over to her booth slowly, my mind still racing. By the time I got to her table nothing had come to mind.

“Hello,” I said. It was more of a question than a greeting. It sounded like a whisper over the club din.

“Sit with me,” she whispered in return.

I hesitated. Usually I was cautious with the beautiful ones, they being only conscious of their own feelings. It was a lesson I had learned the hard way; but tonight I had a tingle of self-destructiveness in me so I thought why not and went to sit opposite her in the booth.

“No, not there. Here, next to me,” she said.

I was surprised. I had to know her from somewhere, she wouldn’t be so familiar otherwise. I sat down where I had intended, not heeding her plea.

“Have we met? Do I know you?” I asked meekly.

She didn’t answer, she just smiled – a mocking smile – and sipped her wine.

I had to know her from somewhere; I searched my mind, but nothing. She was beautiful, too beautiful to forget. She was trouble and I could tell. I contemplated getting up and walking away but the self-destructiveness kept my ass rooted on the black leather.

“Tell me your name,” I said, much firmer.

Still she said nothing. She just looked at me and kept that mocking smile on her face. I thought for a second. Picked up my drink, got up and went and sat beside her.

After a few seconds I heard the soft voice say.

“April.”

“Well April,” I said looking at her, “could you tell me why you called me over here.”

“You looked interesting.” She said this without turning her head and looking at me. She was staring into the club, at the people there.

“What about me was interesting?” I asked.

“For one, you are the only one here apart from me who really doesn’t want to be here.” Still not turning her head towards me.

“You mean you are not enjoying the music this fine establishment has chosen to assail our ears with?” I asked sneeringly.

I saw the end of her lip curled up. It was a smile and not a mocking one at that.

“If you would rather be elsewhere, why aren’t you there instead?” I continued.

“I don’t know where I want to be, I just know that it’s not here.”

“So I’m to distract you until you decide where that is?” I said almost angrily.

“Yes,” she said, still not looking at me.

“Why would you do such a thing?” I said feigning hurt, “I should be offended.”

“Yes you should be, and yet here you sit.” She turned her head and looked at me for a second as she said this then turned back. I figured out she was staring at the club’s entrance.

“This is more interesting than sitting alone I guess,” I said.

“Why are you even here then?”

“I’m drowning my sorrows.”

“How’s that going?”

“Sorrows can breathe under water, even under vodka. Only time can muffle it.” I said looking at my glass. When I turned back towards her, she was staring at me, a puzzled look on her face.

“But you still drink?” she asked.

“I’m already a bit drunk, I can’t stop now,” I replied as I swallowed what was left in my glass and called a waiter over.

“Get me another screwdriver please and another of what the lady is having.”

“No thanks,” she cut in, “this will be adequate.”

We talked like this for a while. She was fascinating, definitely couldn’t be categorized. After a brief lull in the conversation she continued her strange antics by leaning in on me and putting her head on my shoulder.

“Have you ever made a mistake?” she asked softly. She didn’t have to shout her mouth so close to my ear.

“No.” I answered.

“Never?”

“Not once.”

“Are we sure? Are we not making things up?”

“We didn’t think the lady was being serious,” I replied, “everyone makes mistakes, it is our nature. What was yours?”

“I fell in love with a bastard and now I can’t leave him. I can’t do it by myself. I’ve tried but I keep going back. I need someone to save me. Can you save me Barcelona?”

“Why can’t you save yourself?”

“The gentleman is supposed to save the damsel.”

“You don’t seem to be in any distress, and I’ve never claimed to be a gentleman.”

“Why are you being mean?”

“Mean? Me? I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“You better answer me quick.”

“Why?”

“Because the bastard is heading this way.”

I looked up and saw a tall, handsome man heading towards us.

“Who are you?” he glared at me, then at her. “June, who is this guy?”

She hadn’t even told me her real name, I felt vindicated for my previous doubts. I kept silent and didn’t say anything. The tall handsome man sized us up and said.

“Come on June, let’s go.”

“Well Barcelona, what’s it going to be?” she said looking at me.

I wanted to punish her, the self-destructiveness was working overdrive. I remained silent. The scene was interrupted by the waiter with my order. It was now her turn to stare at me as I sipped on my drink and said nothing.

She slid out of the booth and started walking out, the tall man following behind her. When she got to the door she paused and looked behind her, at me, for a second. Her face caught the light perfectly and I immediately regretted my decision.

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Breathe

Breathe
Inhale
Exhale
It’s all around you
Life
Within your reach
You can take it all in
All you have to do is breathe
 
You, just sitting there
Why aren’t you breathing?
Why aren’t you living?
Why can’t you see?
That life’s passing you by
Life’s not on your touchscreen
Look up, it’s happening around you
Inhale
Exhale
You’ve hardly got any time to spare
No time to think
Just breathe and take it all in
Through your nose
Through your mouth
Through your eyes
Through your ears
Through your skin
 
Breathe in the people around you
Take in their laughter
Their words
Their looks
Their pain
Their tears
All they say
All they do
Can’t you see
It’s beautiful
And it’ll sustain you
 
Breathe through your eyes
Take in the Sky
The Trees
The People
Their Smiles
Look
See
Life is bursting
Begging for your attention
Take it all in
All you have to do is breathe
 
Breathe through your feet
And go to places you’ve never been
Travel the world, your home
Discover all that dwells within it.
 
Breathe through your tongue
Let it say all the things you wanted to say but didn’t
Couldn’t
There’s no time to lose
Do it now
Speak it and live
 
Breathe through your heart
Open yourelf up to love
Hate
Desire
Pain
Don’t be afraid to feel
Don’t be afraid to live
 
Breathe through your hands
Do all the things you always wanted to
Use your fingers
Touch the ones you love
 
Breathe through your nose
Sniff the air
Take in all the oxygen around you
Inhale the scent of life
And don’t let go of the smell
Remind yourself that you’re alive
And you don’t know for how long
 
Don’t let the clouds fool you
Don’t let the atmosphere get you down
With each passing second must come a breath
Go on
Don’t you dare stop
Don’t die even for a second
You hardly got any time to spare
You can’t afford to miss any of it
It goes by so fast
Just breathe
When all else fails
Just Breathe

Battleground

Life is war, you are in a never ending battle with the forces of time and darkness who are always trying to defeat you.

Time will eventually win but the darkness can be defeated, though darkness itself is not the enemy. Who you must face is the unseen enemies who hide in the shadow.

These enemies are hard to find in the darkness and each individual has their own.

So you must be prepared to fight enemies which no one else can see and which you can barely see.

To be prepared however you must be able to recognize your enemies and they can only be found on the battleground.

Therefore  you must fight, first to recognize your enemies and then to defeat them.

Staying away from the battleground is not an option as this is equivalent to death.

So get off the floor, gather your weapons, form your strategy, venture into the darkness and fight for your life.

Again

There,

among the dry leaves and ghosts,

I searched, hoping to find myself,

I looked in the darkest pits, searched through my lost memories,

I fought with the world and bore its blows

In the midst of the fighting I won,

I found most of me but then got lost,

Staggering through the thick lies I listened only to my friend,

The rough ground found my knees but never for long.

Now I’m back home,

cleaning up my wounds as I try to find the rest of me.

A Debt

The driver’s hands gripped tightly on the steering wheel as he pulled the blue 2009 Ford Focus over to the side of the dirt road. The dust speckled car came to a complete stop in the shadow of a paint-worn shop which when open was a butchery, its red metal doors now padlocked.

Moments earlier, as the car was tearing down the lonely rugged road that was way off the main highway, its engine had started to sputter and cough as soon as the small nameless town came into sight. Once they entered the town, the car completely stalled forcing them to stop.

Silas glanced over from the passenger side at his colleague in the driver’s seat. He could see that Chege was as clueless as he was. He also noticed that the driver’s demeanour had changed. The usually mellow stout twenty-six year old bald man seemed nervous and was drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.

“What’s wrong with your car man?” Silas asked, “you think the engine overheated?”

The driver didn’t answer; he just sat back in his seat staring wide eyed at the road in front of them, still playing a finger solo on the black circular wheel. Silas on his part glanced at his watch as he unbuckled his seat-belt, all the time thankful that they had broken down in the tiny town after driving many kilometres through endless fallow fields and scant trees.

Silas opened his door and got out of the car. The orange light of setting sun squinted his eyes and the day’s heat still in the air bit at his face. His white seekers excited small clouds of red dust into the air as he walked around the car. The clouds rose around his tall slender frame clad in blue jeans and black t-shirt.

At twenty-two, Silas was the junior of the two colleagues of Magnar Security, a medium sized security firm. They did not work in the same department though; Chege was in sales while Silas was an IT geek. They rarely saw each other, much less talked unless Chege had a problem with his computer or his printer needed toner.

They were on their way to the annual New Year’s party that the CEO of their company threw on his ranch. This was to be a first for Silas having only worked at the firm for six months but Chege was a three year veteran of the event which had a reputation for being the highlight of the year. For this reason, Silas had been eagerly anticipating it for months.

The two of them were working late alone at their city office, the rest of the staff having already left for the ranch, and it had been decided, to Chege’s protests, that they drive up together. Chege didn’t want to go but Silas had guilt him into taking him by insinuating he didn’t know the way and even if he did, he lacked a means of transport as didn’t have a car.

“I don’t believe this!” Silas said in a dust chocked voice, “at this rate we will never make it to the ranch on time.”

“Calm down,” Chege replied from inside the car, “the party doesn’t get underway proper till sundown. The ranch is about thirty minutes off, if we can get a mechanic to look at the car we will be there in good time.”

“That is if we can find a mechanic in this one donkey town.” Silas shot back.

“Go ask someone where we can find a mechanic.”

“Do you see anyone?” Silas asked raising his hands in frustration.

The small town, too small to be even called a town, looked deserted. The few structures that lined both sides of the dirt road that run through its center looked like shops and most of them were closed.

“Over there.” Chege said as he got out of the car. He pointed to the last structure on the right end of the street that looked like a grocery shop. A plump short woman in a pink head-wrap and a blue dress had emerged from within. She was busy closing up, moving the fruits and vegetables that were on a rickety wooden stand outside into the interior of the shop.

Chege then saw something else which took the luster from his face and he quickly retreated back into the car. Silas looked around but all he could see were old shops and an empty street. Then he spotted a little girl standing next to the grocery shop wearing a white dress and cradling a naked doll with her right hand. She was missing a shoe and there was something else strange about her; Silas couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

He turned back to Chege. “When was your last service?”

“Last month.” Chege replied after quite a pause.

Silas paced back and forth looking over the car like he knew what he was doing. “Then what the hell is wrong? Open the bonnet and I’ll take a look.”

“Do you know anything about cars?”

“Not really, but it can’t hurt to take a look.”

Chege was not convinced. “That is where you are wrong. It can hurt. I’m not letting you fiddle about with my car. It’s not a computer and doesn’t run on RAM.”

“Well we have to do something.”

“Like I told you before, go and ask that woman if there are any mechanics around.”

“Why can’t you go ask her, it’s your damn car?”

“I’m not leaving my car with you and your curious hands. I’ll stay in here.”

“Fine, suit yourself.” Silas said giving in.

Frustrated, he headed towards the shop as Chege waited in his precious car. Silas noticed that the little girl was now gone, he assumed she had gone inside with the woman.

The shop had a sign with “Samson’s Grocery” painted on it in blue on a sun scorched plank of wood hanging above the doorway. Silas walked up slowly, when the woman emerged and saw him approaching she put down the half full sack of potatoes she had picked up and eyed him up and down.

After some awkward greetings he asked her about a mechanic and she informed him there was one who lived in a house just off the road a few minutes away. She pointed it out to him, a small speck in the distance that seemed as small as an outhouse.

“And where is everyone else?” Silas asked before heading back to the car.

“They’ve all gone into the city or to church; it is New Year’s Eve after all. No one is in town but me. Musa will be in though, he rarely leaves his house.” she said referring to the mechanic.

“What about the girl?” Silas asked, remembering the strange little girl he has seen earlier.

“What girl?”

“I saw a little girl next to your shop before,” Silas saw that the woman looked confused, “she was in a white dress wearing one shoe…”

Silas didn’t finish, interrupted by the shocked look on the woman’s face.

“Sera…” the woman said with a trailing voice.

“Who?”

“No, nothing. I’m sure you are mistaken.” The woman was now in a particular hurry. “Now please excuse me, I have to hurry to the church.” With that she quickly shut and locked the shop’s wooden doors and hurried off; leaving Silas to ponder about her sudden shift in manner. Thinking little of it, he walked back to the car.

“The kiosk attendant says there is a mechanic that lives in that shack over there,” he told Chege who he found still sitting in his car.

“Well, go get him.” Chege had taken off his shirt and was now only in his t shirt and trousers.

“I’m not going to some secluded country-house all by myself. I’ve seen Deliverance.

“Do you need me to hold your hand? I didn’t want to come up here in the first place.”

“Fine, fine, I’ll go,” Silas said, not wanting to argue with Chege and waste more time.

It was a bit of a walk to the shack the shopkeeper had showed him. Silas made his way slowly, the image of the strange little girl with one shoe kept flashing in his head. There was something wrong with the picture.

Before he could figure it out, he was at the house. It was a lonely little mabati shack in the middle of a clearing of red earth. It looked like a solitary metal island in the middle of a small red lake.

Sure as the shopkeeper had told him, the mechanic was in. Silas had hardly knocked on the door when it flung open. It was almost like the dishevelled grey haired old man wearing worn grey trousers and un-tucked dirty once-black-now-grey shirt was expecting him.

“Who are you?” the old man inquired with a suspicious tone, “what do you want?”

So much for country courtesy, Silas thought. “Um… our car broke down in town and we were wondering if you wouldn’t mind taking a look at it, you’re the mechanic right, Musa was it?”

“You city people and your cars are nothing but trouble,” the old man shouted, “why don’t you go back to where you came from?”

“We would but our car doesn’t work. I’m not bringing you any trouble old man. We can pay you just to look at it.” Silas replied. This seemed to calm the old man.

“I can’t look at your car now, I’m going to church,” he replied after pondering for a second.

“It won’t take long, just a quick look,” Silas pleaded.

“No,” the reply was firm, “you’ll have to wait till I get back.”

“Won’t that be after midnight?”

“I’m not going for the New Year’s mass. I’m heading to a young girls memorial service,” he said solemnly.

“I’m sorry,” Silas immediately felt guilty for pushing him. “We’ll wait till you are done with your family matters.”

“Sera wasn’t family,” the old man replied, mostly to himself.

Sera. The name froze Silas’ blood.

“Excuse me? Did you say Sera?” Silas asked in a slightly chocked voice.

“Yes. What is it to you?” The suspicious tone was back.

“Nothing,” the young man mumbled. “It’s just that I saw a little girl in the town, the woman at the shop said her name was Sera too.”

“You saw her?” the old man’s eyes widened.

“Yes, she was in a white dress and carrying a doll.”

The old man rubbed his chin thoughtfully, and then asked, “was she wearing one shoe?”

The look on Silas’ face was yes enough for the old man.

“Listen to me boy,” his voice was stern, “there are forces at work here that you won’t understand. Go back to your car and stay in it till I return, don’t leave for any reason.”

“Why?” Silas was getting worried.

“Because someone … something is looking to cash in on a debt that’s owed and you wouldn’t want to be around when it’s time to pay up.” the old man grinned.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Nothing much, just a little curse, one that does not forget and does not forgive.” as he said this, the old man broke into spell of hoarse laughter.

It was all too much for the city boy, he wanted to turn and run right then. Get away from the town on foot if he had to. He wasn’t afraid of ghosts and curses, just the crazy country people who did believe in those crazy things. They gave him the creeps.

The old man didn’t say more, he slowly closed the door still laughing. Silas started walking back to the car. He decided he would not wait for the old man to return from his memorial, he would call someone at the ranch to come and pick them up. He didn’t want to stay at the town any longer than he had to. He took out his phone and dialed.

When he finally got back to the car however, Chege was gone. The driver’s door was open and the keys were still in the ignition but there was no sign of his colleague.

Silas sat in the car and waited for a few minutes before getting nervous. The old man’s words were still fresh in his ears. Go back to your car and stay in it till I return, don’t leave for any reason. It was starting to get dark; he knew he would have to go looking for Chege before nightfall.

Then he saw her. The strange single-shoed little girl in a white dress. She was on the other side of the street; she was looking at him, staring at him. Silas stared back through the windscreen, not letting his fear overtake him, she was just a girl, he thought. Suddenly she ran off and went behind a white building with a red cross painted on it, a clinic.

Silas sat in the car contemplating. Then as if through no will of his own, he found himself exiting the car and crossing the street. Something, some urge was pulling him to follow the girl. As he turned the corner to emerge at the back of the clinic, he saw her standing there. She was pointing to a small shed that stood lonely a few meters from the clinic’s back wall. Silas couldn’t see inside but the door was wide open.

“What is in there?” He asked the strange little girl.

She didn’t answer. She just kept pointing at the room, at the darkness inside. Silas still couldn’t put his finger on what about her wasn’t quite right.

He moved towards the room. He approached it slowly, trying to make out what was inside with each step. As he got closer to the doorway the room became clearer. There were no windows in the room but by the fading light he could make out the figure of a man standing in the middle of the room, it was Chege.

He was standing over a table which had something draped in a white sheet on top of it. Silas couldn’t quite make it out as Chege was in the way. The room itself was queer. From the outside it was an ordinary wooden shed, but the inside was tiled in white with metal shelves on the wall containing various medical instruments.

“Chege! What are you doing?” Silas reached out, “I didn’t find the mechanic but I called Rachel. She agreed to come from the ranch and pick us up. She’s on her way. Come on, let’s go.”

“I have to tell you something,” Chege spoke low, not looking away from the table.

“Can you tell me walking? Let’s get back to the car. This place is giving me the creeps.”

“I can’t.” Chege said softly, “I can’t leave.”

“What do you mean you can’t leave? What’s that on the table?”

“A debt.”

A chill run down Silas’ spine. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Stop messing around and let’s go. I’m not above leaving you here.”

Silas inched closer to the door and by doing this was able to see the table more clearly. What was under the sheet had the shape of a small human body, a child. The sheet covered the entire body except for the feet where he saw that the body had on only one shoe.

Silas spun around to look back at the little girl and he saw what he didn’t want to see. The girl and the body were wearing the same shoe. Then he finally noticed it, the thing that made the girl so strange to him, the thing that had nagged at him. Beneath the girl’s feet, there was no shadow cast with her body by the pale light of the setting sun.

Silas wanted to run but found he couldn’t move. His feet were planted on the ground. It was not the fear crawling up his body that held him there but something else; a giant invisible hand holding him in place. He could talk and move his head, his feet and his body however, were not his own.

“What’s going on?” Silas screamed.

The girl started to walk towards him, when she got to the doorway she walked right through Silas and into the shed. The room at once was bathed in a feint red glow. The table and the body were now gone. The instruments and the white tile were gone as well. The room was now an ordinary empty shed with a dirt floor and wooden walls; its only occupants were Chege and the thing that looked like a girl.

It moved next to Chege, who was also held in place by the invisible force, and took his hand.

“We have to go soon,” it said in a voice that was half little girl and half … something else.”You should say goodbye.”

Chege began to speak. “Last year on my way back from the party, I had an incident on this road. It was the reason I didn’t want to come up here. I had to leave the party early and was drunk and tired, very tired, but didn’t fancy the idea of leaving my car so I decided to drive anyway.”

“On the way I fell asleep at the wheel and while asleep something woke me. I just thought it was a bump on the road and kept driving. But when I got home I found blood and a little shoe stuck to my front grill. I knew what I had done but I did not go back or tell anyone.”

“I was wracked by guilt at first and wanted to turn myself in. After a while, though, no one came to put me in handcuffs and take me away. I thought I had gotten away with it and I was glad I did.”

The air inside the room began to pulse, the air itself. It was as if the room had an ethereal heartbeat.

“But now I know there was never any getting away with it and I am sorry. Please let me go Sera, I’ve seen the error of my ways.” Chege didn’t look at the thing holding his arm as he pleaded, the thing that looked like a girl.

The reply came swiftly and sternly. “Words can’t repay your debt. You owe a life and must give a life. And don’t address me by the little one’s name. I have no name, only purpose.”

The small room’s pulsing stopped.

“The sun is set, it’s time to depart,” was the last thing it said.

With those words the room glowed brighter with a brilliant red light that blinded Silas. Then as quickly as it had come, the light disappeared and the room went dark again. The invisible hand released Silas and he fell to his knees somehow exhausted.

Through the murk, Silas made out Chege’s motionless body on the floor of the shed. His head was facing the wrong way. He was no longer among the living.

Silas quickly got up and ran desperately back to the road and into the car. He turned the ignition and the car roared into life. He hit the gas and drove off as fast as he could manage, he didn’t dare look back.

Not Here for Love

If you are looking for love
you’ve come to the wrong place
not here will you find it
not now will I speak the word
I’ve no intention of losing myself again
love promises then soothes for a while
eventually it will rupture and threaten
break all that was once there
and leave you shattered and scared
never to be the same again
so take your commotion elsewhere
Not here for love

Not here for love
I have no intention of going back
following false promises and sweet deceit
not now for your words
that glisten and taste warm to my ears
take your wares elsewhere
where other young fools would eat
the tainted food you set in front of them
enticing them with its appeal to the eye
and sensual sweet false aroma

Not here for love
it is an unwelcome guest in my heart
that’s already filled with sensation
and cannot allow for love to enter
for it takes up the whole space
and leaves little room for anything else
it even invades the mind and kicks out reason
then since it is restless it moves out and on
leaving behind empty shells
broken shells of head and chest
mind and heart

I hate to be loved
it burdens me and makes me feel
and I don’t like to feel
go find others
welcoming of your love
and would give you theirs
not here for love
I have none of my own to give you
so spare yourself the hurt
get away from me
and run as fast as you can
run away from me and towards love
when you find it let me know
so it can tear me to pieces

 

Man vs Road

One time as I was walking through the road, I realized that I didn’t know where I was going. I was moving forward and gaining ground on a destination I hadn’t decided on. Wherever it was that I was headed was not of my choosing. I had been on the road for as long as I can remember and the thought of having no direction made me feel more tired than I’ve ever felt before.

I didn’t like walking in uncertainty so I decided to stop. Once I did, however, a strange thing happened. I kept on moving. Some unquestionable and unyielding force made sure that I couldn’t stay still and pushed me forward. I was not in complete control, merely a slave to the will of the road.

The stage I had reached on my journey had a dull luster. The air was cold and clouds had gathered above me and I could barely see the sun. It was a darkness I had not encountered before. I could remember it being sunny once but the gloom had crept in slowly without my notice.

There were other people all around me on the road. There were hundreds of us, thousands, millions even, maybe more, maybe all of the people were there. I watched them as they traveled on their own journeys around me. We shuffled through the road together in a never ending throng. A herd of humanity.

There were all sorts; men and women, young and old, rich and poor, fat and thin, tall and short. All moving forward. A never ceasing, unending march without a beginning and without an obvious purpose. There was a gentle hum in the air all around. It was the sound of uncertain hope.

Though there were many of us on the road, none moved faster than the another. We all kept the same pace. Some people tried to run and leave others behind but couldn’t. Others, like me, tried to stay in place with similar results to mine. There were others who tried desperately to move backwards to no avail.

Beneath my feet was a path. It was narrow and nobody else walked on it but me. Everyone there had their own little path that they walked on. The great road we were all on was made up of all the individual paths intertwined but distinct. All forming a little part of the whole.

Among us, in between us, above and below us, all around us, was everything. Everything that is and ever was. I looked around as I moved and stared at it. I could not believe how beautiful it was. I took it in for a while and felt at peace. The thought of my own plight could not allow me to enjoy for too long though. I was compelled to look away.

Then I looked at the people around me and saw that most of them walked with their eyes focused ahead or staring at other people and missed all the beauty to be had around them.

I looked some more and noticed some people were trying to step and walk on other people’s paths but of course they couldn’t. This made them angry and their own paths faded with every attempt. Many other people kept looking behind them as they walked and tripped and fell, sometimes getting lost.

There were others there who looked tired and worn out from their journey, their paths looking rugged and somehow steeper than most others. With every step they seemed to stumble, sometimes they would fall. Some of them were strong and stood up each time. A few of them were helped by those around them to get up and keep walking before they found their own strength again.

Some poor souls stumbled, fell and stopped moving forward. With no one there to help them up, they slowly disappeared and their paths vanished from the road completely. One or two actually managed to stop moving of their own accord and they also immediately disappeared.

Some seemed to arrive at their own destinations and their paths branched off from the great road and headed elsewhere. Somewhere the rest of us couldn’t see or follow. Though somehow each of us knew that we would find out someday when we reached our destinations.

Some walked alone on their paths as I did, while other people’s paths seemed to converge. Some people’s paths seemed wider and crossed many other paths.  I looked back at my own and as far as could see it was mostly narrow and had converged with others but only briefly. I don’t know why but this made me sad.

I remembered seeking for company on my path. I’d find someone walking like me and we’d talk and walk together for a while. But I’d always grow tired of them or they would get bored of me or we’d start heading in different directions and our paths diverged. Leaving me alone once again.

The great road stretched forward into a pale nothing that was ahead of us all. There was a dull light at the front that only illuminated the place our next step would fall. To our right and left were clear and behind us was clearer still. We were all afraid of the nothingness and what it had in store for us but still we all headed unrelentingly towards it.

Some people lied to themselves that they knew what was ahead but the truth was that none of us knew. None knew because there was nothing to know.  The naught was too much for some. They were usually the ones who stopped short on their paths and disappeared.

The more I looked around at the people, the more I realized that the darkness around me was not felt by everyone. The clouds above were only mine. There were those enjoying the sun and it was so bright that I could see it reflecting on their faces and sparkling in their eyes. This made me jealous and angry at first but then it filled me with determination.

I decided I’d not let the darkness falter me. I’d break though the doom and gloom and seek out my sun.

I started walking again with a new conviction. Slowly the clouds began to shift and the murk began to break. Soft rays of warmth struck my face as light teared past the clouds. It was as if a new path had formed beneath my feet and when I looked ahead at the nothing, I felt like I knew where I was going.

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Battered and bruised but works like new
Available for a limited lifetime
Beats steady and requires little maintenance
Features include joy, fear and anguish
Love sold separately

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Available only in red
One size fits all
Easy assembly instructions
Does not require ironing
Batteries not included
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Satisfaction Not Guaranteed.

 

Enter the Void

What just happened?
Where am I?
How did I get here?
Am I even here?
Is it even now?
Is this even me?

I’m not here,
I’m somewhere else.
Someplace that’s not here.
In a time that’s not now.

I can’t see anything but
it’s beautiful beyond compare.
I cannot hear anyone but
their voices tell only the truth.
I feel like I know everything
All that I don’t know doesn’t matter.
I never want to leave this place.

I’m not afraid because nothing can hurt me,
Nothing can kill me.
Nothing can kill me because I will never die.
I will never die because I was never born.
When Time became so did I,
so did you,
so did all of us.
I was there and you were there.
We were all of us.
We were together, now, then and forever.

I feel myself leaving.
I feel myself coming back to here.
Heading back to now.
But I don’t want to.
It’s too cold here.
It’s too wicked now.
Too cruel and heartless.

Why cant everywhere be there not here?
Why cant every time be then not now?
Why cant every moment be this moment?
Why cant this moment be forever?

 

 

Brief Ticket

They do,

  • Turn the message around
  • Turn my letter away
  • Find it among the pine trees
  • Look through its mysteries

They see,

  • My heart on their shelf
  • My lies in their ears
  • Fragments of angry bitterness
  • Hope for coming progress

They hear,

  • The voices in the wind
  • The colours in the breeze
  • Children weeping in the dark
  • Presidents sharpening their remarks

My love,

  • Is lazy with little to do
  • Is found when it’s too late
  • Ties and seals all it touches
  • Breaks thoughts into wishes

My sight,

  • Can discern their tall-tales
  • Can find the wayward words
  • Is always fighting the oblivious
  • Makes my speech always nervous

My need,

  • To eventually find out what’s true
  • To tear down their misdirections
  • To accomplish this one deadly feat
  • To makes life come before defeat

I know,

  • Why they come in the dark
  • Why I’ll see this till the end
  • They’ll want to keep love forbidden
  • I’ll find out where the truth is hidden

I feel,

  • I should go back to our home
  • I won’t be safe while I’m there
  • The sound of blazing fire within
  • The spirit of freedom which will win

I try,

  • To testify and kill the lie
  • To keep one step ahead
  • But they find me time and again
  • But I vow to end blindness’ reign

She takes,

  • Away the moonlight from the sky
  • Away the sunlight from the day
  • Hope away and the people grieve
  • My words to heart and believes

She tries,

  • To call those that were there
  • To gather them all together
  • To go back where justice is even
  • To find something else to believe in

She dies,

  • Of the poison from their lungs
  • Of the truth because it hurts
  • Taking the gruesome pain away
  • But I’ll met with her again one day

 

It

It’s not still it’s wrought
It’s not frill it’s sought
It’s not skill it’s taught
It’s not real it’s bought

It’s not thrill it’s fought
It’s not kill it is caught
It’s not nil it is brought
It’s not will it is thought