Not Here for Love

If you are looking for love
you’ve come to the wrong place
not here will you find it
not now will I speak the word
I’ve no intention of losing myself again
love promises then soothes for a while
eventually it will rupture and threaten
break all that was once there
and leave you shattered and scared
never to be the same again
so take your commotion elsewhere
Not here for love

Not here for love
I have no intention of going back
following false promises and sweet deceit
not now for your words
that glisten and taste warm to my ears
take your wares elsewhere
where other young fools would eat
the tainted food you set in front of them
enticing them with its appeal to the eye
and sensual sweet false aroma

Not here for love
it is an unwelcome guest in my heart
that’s already filled with sensation
and cannot allow for love to enter
for it takes up the whole space
and leaves little room for anything else
it even invades the mind and kicks out reason
then since it is restless it moves out and on
leaving behind empty shells
broken shells of head and chest
mind and heart

I hate to be loved
it burdens me and makes me feel
and I don’t like to feel
go find others
welcoming of your love
and would give you theirs
not here for love
I have none of my own to give you
so spare yourself the hurt
get away from me
and run as fast as you can
run away from me and towards love
when you find it let me know
so it can tear me to pieces



Man vs Road

One time as I was walking through the road, I realized that I didn’t know where I was going. I was moving forward and gaining ground on a destination I hadn’t decided on. Wherever it was that I was headed was not of my choosing. I had been on the road for as long as I can remember and the thought of having no direction made me feel more tired than I’ve ever felt before.

I didn’t like walking in uncertainty so I decided to stop. Once I did, however, a strange thing happened. I kept on moving. Some unquestionable and unyielding force made sure that I couldn’t stay still and pushed me forward. I was not in complete control, merely a slave to the will of the road.

The stage I had reached on my journey had a dull luster. The air was cold and clouds had gathered above me and I could barely see the sun. It was a darkness I had not encountered before. I could remember it being sunny once but the gloom had crept in slowly without my notice.

There were other people all around me on the road. There were hundreds of us, thousands, millions even, maybe more, maybe all of the people were there. I watched them as they traveled on their own journeys around me. We shuffled through the road together in a never ending throng. A herd of humanity.

There were all sorts; men and women, young and old, rich and poor, fat and thin, tall and short. All moving forward. A never ceasing, unending march without a beginning and without an obvious purpose. There was a gentle hum in the air all around. It was the sound of uncertain hope.

Though there were many of us on the road, none moved faster than the another. We all kept the same pace. Some people tried to run and leave others behind but couldn’t. Others, like me, tried to stay in place with similar results to mine. There were others who tried desperately to move backwards to no avail.

Beneath my feet was a path. It was narrow and nobody else walked on it but me. Everyone there had their own little path that they walked on. The great road we were all on was made up of all the individual paths intertwined but distinct. All forming a little part of the whole.

Among us, in between us, above and below us, all around us, was everything. Everything that is and ever was. I looked around as I moved and stared at it. I could not believe how beautiful it was. I took it in for a while and felt at peace. The thought of my own plight could not allow me to enjoy for too long though. I was compelled to look away.

Then I looked at the people around me and saw that most of them walked with their eyes focused ahead or staring at other people and missed all the beauty to be had around them.

I looked some more and noticed some people were trying to step and walk on other people’s paths but of course they couldn’t. This made them angry and their own paths faded with every attempt. Many other people kept looking behind them as they walked and tripped and fell, sometimes getting lost.

There were others there who looked tired and worn out from their journey, their paths looking rugged and somehow steeper than most others. With every step they seemed to stumble, sometimes they would fall. Some of them were strong and stood up each time. A few of them were helped by those around them to get up and keep walking before they found their own strength again.

Some poor souls stumbled, fell and stopped moving forward. With no one there to help them up, they slowly disappeared and their paths vanished from the road completely. One or two actually managed to stop moving of their own accord and they also immediately disappeared.

Some seemed to arrive at their own destinations and their paths branched off from the great road and headed elsewhere. Somewhere the rest of us couldn’t see or follow. Though somehow each of us knew that we would find out someday when we reached our destinations.

Some walked alone on their paths as I did, while other people’s paths seemed to converge. Some people’s paths seemed wider and crossed many other paths.  I looked back at my own and as far as could see it was mostly narrow and had converged with others but only briefly. I don’t know why but this made me sad.

I remembered seeking for company on my path. I’d find someone walking like me and we’d talk and walk together for a while. But I’d always grow tired of them or they would get bored of me or we’d start heading in different directions and our paths diverged. Leaving me alone once again.

The great road stretched forward into a pale nothing that was ahead of us all. There was a dull light at the front that only illuminated the place our next step would fall. To our right and left were clear and behind us was clearer still. We were all afraid of the nothingness and what it had in store for us but still we all headed unrelentingly towards it.

Some people lied to themselves that they knew what was ahead but the truth was that none of us knew. None knew because there was nothing to know.  The naught was too much for some. They were usually the ones who stopped short on their paths and disappeared.

The more I looked around at the people, the more I realized that the darkness around me was not felt by everyone. The clouds above were only mine. There were those enjoying the sun and it was so bright that I could see it reflecting on their faces and sparkling in their eyes. This made me jealous and angry at first but then it filled me with determination.

I decided I’d not let the darkness falter me. I’d break though the doom and gloom and seek out my sun.

I started walking again with a new conviction. Slowly the clouds began to shift and the murk began to break. Soft rays of warmth struck my face as light teared past the clouds. It was as if a new path had formed beneath my feet and when I looked ahead at the nothing, I felt like I knew where I was going.

Satisfaction Not Guaranteed

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Battered and bruised but works like new
Available for a limited lifetime
Beats steady and requires little maintenance
Features include joy, fear and anguish
Love sold separately

One previous owner
Available only in red
One size fits all
Easy assembly instructions
Does not require ironing
Batteries not included
Act now and receive hope absolutely free

Fifty percent off original retail price
Only one available, hurry while life lasts
Should be handled with care, breaks easily
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Enter the Void

What just happened?
Where am I?
How did I get here?
Am I even here?
Is it even now?
Is this even me?

I’m not here,
I’m somewhere else.
Someplace that’s not here.
In a time that’s not now.

I can’t see anything but
it’s beautiful beyond compare.
I cannot hear anyone but
their voices tell only the truth.
I feel like I know everything
All that I don’t know doesn’t matter.
I never want to leave this place.

I’m not afraid because nothing can hurt me,
Nothing can kill me.
Nothing can kill me because I will never die.
I will never die because I was never born.
When Time became so did I,
so did you,
so did all of us.
I was there and you were there.
We were all of us.
We were together, now, then and forever.

I feel myself leaving.
I feel myself coming back to here.
Heading back to now.
But I don’t want to.
It’s too cold here.
It’s too wicked now.
Too cruel and heartless.

Why cant everywhere be there not here?
Why cant every time be then not now?
Why cant every moment be this moment?
Why cant this moment be forever?